°•Wɩȴɗɧȯɼȿɚȿ, Ʀɩvҿɽ & Ϛɑℓȶ Ȣ

The man at the train station

2009-10-27T22:25:00.002+10:00

The man squints under the sunlight
He tries to remember what he dreamt last night
Shaking his head he
returns to the platform, but he
keeps looking up hoping for more
things to come his way 'cause he
sees strangers every day
greets strangers every day
and he can't escape or find a way
to get out of the uneventful life that
he
leads everyday
sweeping the dust
scrubbing any rust
dreaming is a must
so that he goes on without a sigh
as tomorrow, he
returns to where he left off today
and starts again.

What's long overdue

2009-03-29T18:13:00.000+10:00

This letter is long overdue
By the time it reaches you
I’m sure everything’s passed
Whatever it is I’ve mentioned inside

Another day’s gone by
Another day without you
A day closer to get to you
I just hope till that day comes
You won’t forget about me

The season has changed
From summer to winter
But memories of you remain
In every bit of my mind
Unaltered…

Losing You

2009-03-27T22:27:00.001+10:00

What if you're a puzzle I've been longing to piece together
What if you're the kind of soul I've been looking for
What if your presence brings peace to my mind or
your touch, your smile, your gaze will never
lose its electricity, its warmth, it's become a part of me.
What if this time I finally realise I don't want to miss out on you
and how I am so afraid of losing you.

What if you are a puzzle to me

2009-03-20T11:30:00.003+10:00

Grant my last request and let me hold you
When our lips do touch
And feel it’s not enough

What if I still am in love with you
No matter where you are
How far away you are
What if I still love everything that you are
Just the way you are
Even though countless questions
Appear in my head about you
What if I still want you in my arms
Holding my breath hearing your breathing
What if I still want to hear your heart beating
Against my ears when I hold you close
What if I still long for your warm touch
Whenever my body has turned cold
What if I miss gazing deep into your mysterious eyes
Hope for the moment to never fade
From my memories
What if each day
I still try to place the pieces
Of this puzzle called you
Building a bridge
Across this river that seems to grow larger
In which I wish I would not drown
Could you say I’m wrong to feel this way?
Would you correct me?
What if somewhere in the back of my mind
I’m still holding onto you
A tiny fire of hope still burns
What if I’m taking the easy way out right now
To hold you only in dreams
And reach out to you only in mind
So till we meet again
I’ll just leave things as they are
Sailing along where the waves take me
To reality and fantasy

*****

2009-02-20T15:18:00.002+10:00

What are you?
You’re neither cold
Nor hot
You come in colourful packages
Usually yellow skinned
And quite thin
Sometimes crinkled
Sometimes triangular
You’re always dusted with spices
Of unknown substances
Or just plain salt
With a pinch of vinegar
One bite of you
The more we want of you
Mmmmm…

Hot and Cold

2009-02-08T19:31:00.000+10:00

Close to me
You slip a touch
Far from me
You don’t say much
Conversations
Hardly enough
Or not close enough
To keep us from
Falling apart
Electricity flows through
But only for a second or two
Then you’re away again
Cold in your own world
Of clubs, whiskies and games
Then you come knocking
Wanting to meet up and closing
The distance we’ve had
But it goes on like this
And I can’t help procrastinating
And contemplating or thinking of you
But I guess for now
I’ll leave you alone
While you keep going hot and cold
Around me
Hot and cold
Why don’t you just decide already…
So I can either get over you
Or stay with you
You hot and cold person, you are..

I'll find you

2009-02-03T23:42:00.002+10:00

Somewhere, somehow

I’ll find you,

I’ll find you…

Someday, one day

I’ll find you,

I’ll find you…

Through the rains

The snow or my sleepy brain

Through the strains

And over the mountains

Along the rivers

And the occasional shivers

Whatever it is

Wherever, when it will be…

I’ll find you,

I’ll find you…

Goodbye

2009-01-29T02:57:00.000+10:00

Would you look me in the eye?
And tell me it was all a lie
Would you hold my hand so tightly?
While wishing me goodbye
Would you catch these tears a-falling?
While you’re still calling me darling

No
No
No
The answer to each question

‘Cause you walk the other way
Opposite from where I stay

And I know
I must bid you goodbye
I must bid you goodbye

Anything at all...

2009-01-27T23:26:00.001+10:00

You see
But you don’t really see
You hear
But you don’t really hear
You touch
But the feeling’s not enough
You feel
But you can’t seem to feel
Anything at all
Anything at all…

Drops of Sunrise

2009-01-24T01:18:00.000+10:00

Drops of sunrise trickle down your face
Warms me as I drown in your embrace

Drops of sunrise caress your skin
I can’t help but notice your grin

Drops of sunrise I long to see
In a world of darkness surrounding me

Drops of sunrise, drops of sunrise
Come down from heaven and sit with me

Some Nights

2009-01-09T01:59:00.000+10:00

One night…
Sipping hot black tea on a breezy summer night
Head is spinning from too much wine delight
Tennis is on tv just to fill the empty space
The fan is moving from side to side to keep pace
The heat is filling this four-walled room
Where I lie to try to sleep quietly

The next night…
Haven’t written anything much lately
Soft guitar music is playing on TV
Cold Darjeeling by my side
Tickling my tastebud
And the night still feels young
Strange… I should really go to sleep.

Goodnight.

My Love's Away

2009-01-05T16:44:00.002+10:00

fictional
My love, away you’ve gone
The angels have guided you
To a place I can’t visit
Yet…

My love, what is it like
Living in that unfamiliar world
A place I’ve not accepted as home
Yet…

My love, do you still remember
Me? Even though you’re there
And I’m here… thinking of you
Always…

My love, take care, would you?
I’ll write to you, in my sleep each night
I hope you won’t mind
Till we meet again, someday
Signed, me.

Hopeful

2009-01-03T10:13:00.000+10:00

The clouds
Gray and heavy
Upon those hills
Like blankets
Shadows over greens
There's Hope in tomorrow
A new year, a new day
Leave what’s done to yesterday
Hold on to dreams and run

Feel the wind

2009-01-03T10:04:00.000+10:00

Feel the wind
Running beside your ears
Leaves rustling under your feet
Cold sweats trickle down like tears
And you keep going

Feel the wind
Whispering symphonies you never heard before
Soothing your soul right to the core
Your heart may skip a beat ‘cause you’re unsure
But you keep going

Feel the wind
So carefree, so controlled, yet so questioning
Your every move, your every thoughts
So you wander, might even sail for a bit or just drive on
And keep trying to go up, up and away

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T00:01:00.002+10:00

So the world spins without waiting for you

In a world full of people searching for something to sue

One must let go of the past

Seasons change, some things aren’t meant to last

Look forward, a brighter day, wishful tomorrow

While I breathe I shall hope and cast aside my sorrow

Happy new year

What mind may speak of

2008-12-30T02:40:00.002+10:00

My mind is a world of many things
What’s true, what’s real, what’s ideal

What lies only in dreams or in reality
What I care and don’t, what’s insanity

Tickle my fancy, why don’t you
With all the simple things, what say you

May it be wind or snow or hail
Hoping that my strive will prevail

Don't let it all remain in disarray
So lie beside me and stay ...

Selfish

2008-12-28T21:58:00.001+10:00

Selfish
When you tell me you love me
While you still love somebody else
At the same time
Selfish
When you call me in the middle of the night
Saying hello, you miss me
While you still miss her
Selfish
When you dream of me sometimes
Even though I told you not to
And then you dream of her
Selfish
When you asked to be mine
When you are still hers
Selfish
When you hold me in your mind
But you’re holding her in reality
Selfish
When you want to kiss me
But you’re kissing her instead
Selfish
When you pour your heart out to me
Then tell me it’s all a big joke
Selfish
Has a name
It’s you
And it’s me

Sorry

2008-12-28T21:14:00.000+10:00

Sorry
I can’t seem to please you all the time
Sorry
I never meant to hurt you in any way
Sorry
I tend to misunderstand when you say
Hurtful words that
pierce
straight through
my heart
Severing my brain
Of its usual function
So I’m sorry
For all the wrongdoings
For the silent resentments
Let there be just peace
From now on
Between you and I

Drug

2008-12-28T08:41:00.000+10:00

You’re a drug
Addiction of a kind
As one’s said, a personal brand

Numbing my senses
Triggering my hunger
Oh so appetizing
And I search for defences
As
Abstinence activates indulgence
And but I know that I
Need to get my mind off you

A drug, you are to me
Need to rid of you, I see
Though still, I’ll long for you
All over again
Sooner or later
Then I’ll hate you again

Spirit

2008-12-27T08:21:00.001+10:00

Don’t tell me it’s all too late
Is it not better than never?
Don’t tell me I live to die
When too many are dying to live
Don’t tell me there’s nothing more
It’s not the end
Maybe we have to die few times to really live
And to
Find the spirit to keep moving on
… … …
It’s all easier said than done
But slowly, that spirit come
All should end well
It has to
It has to

A Moment Alone

2008-12-26T22:22:00.000+10:00

The music tickles my ears
Drowsiness kicking in
My eyes fail to keep open
My soul’s leaving me alone here

Stand

2008-12-26T21:45:00.001+10:00

Stand by me
When no one else does
Hold my hand
Through it all
Tell me it’ll be alright
Above all odds
Help me walk again
Whenever I’ve crumbled
Make me believe I’ll make it through
All the earthquakes and being lost
And find my way
to the end

Judgement

2008-12-26T11:18:00.000+10:00

Good for nothing
Yes, you are
Uncomfortable
Yes, you are
You feel you’re trapped
In a world that passes you by
You feel stupid just because
You know the things you should’ve done
But didn’t do
You avoid people just to be alone
You try to figure things out on your own
And others tend to misjudge
Misunderstand, misinterpret
You don’t seem to know yourself anymore
Riding a carousel that never seem to end
And you’re deteriorating, inside, slowly
And you choose to fight

Thinking

2008-12-22T20:02:00.003+10:00

that someday,
when dreams do come and seep in through my blinds,
seems so far away,
maybe that someday,
will come my way,
or not yet,
i'll have to wait,
patience is so bitter,
waiting and waiting,
drives me insane,
it's easier said than done...
what is it this time
never think that it'd be too far gone?
spinning inside my head
headlights from the cars surrounding
here i am, silently contemplating
and still wishing for someday
that someday to come
i'll fly away to someplace far away
not like now, spinning around in circles
whatever

Puzzled

2008-12-17T06:28:00.003+10:00

i sank deep into the dark
but now i'm trying to pull myself back
out into the reality that stings
so that i won't lose everything

so many labyrinths and puzzles
it gave me a fright it left me in pieces
gnawing through into my core
all these words coming from you

again and again and again
you pour salt into the open wounds
would somebody take me away
and leave all this to yesterday

Twisted

2008-12-17T01:58:00.000+10:00

The sun sunk below the horizon.
Shouldn’t let sorrow drowned me further
But my stomach twisted in discomfort
As my mouth tasted bitter

The night sky holds the silver moon
Shining all through the night
But would you bring a moon to my sky soon?
There’s nothing but darkness in sight

I can’t sleep maybe I don’t want to
Thoughts running through my head
And things I don’t care to do
Adventures far away I long for instead

Drive me crazy

2008-12-09T20:02:00.003+10:00

No one notices it
No one seems to care
Even if they do
They don’t know what to do
And those that need to understand
Notice it in such misinterpretation
That it gives birth to nothing but miseries
Try to make them understand, anyone?
Try to make them see more than what they like to see
‘cause as far as I am concerned, it’s driving me crazy.

Down Cycle

2008-12-09T20:02:00.001+10:00

So it started with just a little taste
That ended up finishing a meal
And sometimes even more.
Each day your mood was swinging
Misery and anxiety often kicks in.
Little criticisms or even conversation
Leave your self in disorientation.
Then you taste it again
So you’re calmer, feeling better.
But oh it lasts
Only for few minutes, even seconds,
So you’re back to feeling down again
And the cycle continues…
Till when? Not sure when.

Darkness

2008-12-07T22:30:00.000+10:00

Show me how to breathe now
‘Cause I suffocate, disintegrate

And you can’t see me other than
The one you don’t really like.
You have visions of me that
Leave you blind to the real me, just me

Show me how to be me again
‘Cause I see darkness as a friend
The morning exhausts me
The night looks so much brighter
But I know, I’m too far gone in the dark
That I lost my way to come back
I want to reach out, but there’s nothing
The dark is still all I see.

Ephemeral

2008-12-04T21:39:00.001+10:00

Hurt me, scratch me, don’t miss
Pierce me, this thick thin dermis
Choke me, don’t release me
Mark a red hand on me for me to see
Drown what’s around me, let me blind
Just hold me again, leave all behind

Evil Angel

2008-12-04T08:09:00.001+10:00

Inspired/Excerpts from “Evil Angel” Breaking Benjamin

Hold it together
But it’s falling apart, dying, as
Nothing but lies and crooked wings
Clouds my visions, linger in my mind
I don’t have the answer
I have questions
To find faith inside of me

But, you…
Leave me to die here?
Help me survive here?

Put me to sleep, evil angel
Fly over me, evil angel
Why can’t I breathe, evil angel?

So hide the betrayal
And ignore the denial
Digging a nail into my skin
Pouring salt to the open wounds
Try to float as I drown
Hoping to find a saviour

Fly over me, evil angel
Help me to breathe, evil angel

Holding on

2008-11-28T11:38:00.000+10:00

Drive off into the sunset, warm
Feel the breeze hitting my face, cold
Tasting the raindrops and
Let it drench my hair
Close my eyes and let adrenaline takes over
Arms out grasping the wind
Can you hear the peace that nature brings?
Be it the green fields on the hills up and away
Or the calming echo of the waves breaking on the shore
The clear blue sky with fluffy clouds forming figures
Let me close my eyes again and not wait
Maybe I’ll be a bird so I’ll fly away
Or a wild horse and gallop away
But I have to stay here
No sunset to drive off to
No breeze to caress my face
Raindrops mean storm
Lightning might even strike me
The nature isn’t peaceful to listen to anymore
The fields are brown and dry, not a green in sight
The waves breaking triggering my fears
You’ll shoot the bird I’d become
Or tame the wild horse in me…
So I …
Hold on… hold on… hold on…

2008-11-28T10:40:00.001+10:00

Raindrops on your hair
Rose petals in the air
Sunshine on your face
Moonlight is your gaze
Sweetness from your lips
Warm are your fingertips
Not much to whisper
Just signs to decipher
Feelings discovered, and recovered
Remain here, undercover

Stray

2008-11-27T22:41:00.000+10:00

Wandering alone for too long now
Till the sun’s touched the earth, slow
And I’ve been longing for a good night sleep

Reminiscing the things I’ve done
Wishing I could’ve done otherwise, but
But I should really leave all this behind and not look back

For once I dream … to stray
Straying away from here
To pass time with no regret

For once I feel like a mess
Oh what I’d give to just… stray
Stray away to someplace far away

Laughing from the silliest little thing
That itself is something I’ve been missing
Just capturing simple wonders of life

So I dream again … to stray
Wishing I could live the dreams I’ve been dreaming
(To just stray away from here)

Let Me Be

2008-11-26T08:29:00.000+10:00

Oh just let me fly away
To a place somewhere I’ll belong
Waking up each morning with a smile
As the sun warms my skin for a while

I let each day passes me by
With too many thoughts
(I let in) into my mind

But if you’d just let me be
Wouldn’t I be much happier?
Simpler thoughts, simple wish, oh let me be

Oh won’t you let me go
To a (peaceful) place that I’ve longed for
Sleeping underneath the stars each night
Feel the rain wash away my fright

So won’t you just let me be?
We’d all be much happier

2008-11-26T02:08:00.001+10:00

Something in me must have died this semester.
Something has been deterred.
And I’m not sure what or where to begin to search for the reasons,
so I can mend it or put the pieces together.
Something has affected me bigger than I thought I let it.
Did I try hard enough? I must not have, I let it all go astray
Something in me truly died along the way
Where should I go from here? Where should I turn?
Why do I keep looking at every other ways?
Make this stop… make it stop… I’m breaking underneath this calm surface

2008-11-25T02:24:00.000+10:00

Someday I’ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
There’s a hole where my heart should be
Will my dreams soon turn to reality?

Come what may, come what may
Please would you stay, would you stay
Just let me fly away, I want to fly away
Don’t leave me this way, don’t leave me this way

Speechless

2008-11-19T01:26:00.000+10:00

Fictional – November 19th, 2008

The clouds hover in your eyes
Sunshine’s fading in your sky
Your cherry cheeks cold against my touch
Do I see a tear or two too much?

The colour has faded from your lips
You’re much too cold to my fingertips
You stare at me with such frailty
I know not what to do, forgive me

I look away only to look back
How you’re before, gives me heart attack
I hold your hand, I trace your cheek
Oh, sweetheart, you make me cry seeing you this sick

No words seem to show enough
How much I long for your laugh
How your eyes smile without a word
When you used to hold me tight, oh, am I absurd?

Inspired by fictional characters

The Right Thing

2008-11-15T21:08:00.002+10:00

"The right thing isn't always real obvious. Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else."

from Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (page 363)

Warmth

2008-11-15T01:09:00.000+10:00

Fictional – November 13th, 2008

The way the blood rushes to your cheek
Warms up the room, my knees turn weak
The way your eyes gaze locked in mine
Makes my heart beats faster, out of my mind

Your bittersweet breath is like a drug
Can I fall asleep listening to your heart?
Your fingers gently trace my lips
Brushing away the cold with your warm touch

Carousel from Hell

2008-11-14T12:16:00.002+10:00

Do I seem so wrong to you?
My reactions repulse you
You believe there’s something wrong with me
You think, “maybe it’s her new workplace, a bad crowd, such influence!”

What part don’t you understand?
That I’m like any other teenager you’ve come to hate?
As long as I’m under your roof
I always have to show you everything to prove?

You burn me right to the core, to the ground
I can’t breathe, I keep drowning, going around
And around and around, a carousel from hell
Maybe I’ll unplug the horse I’m riding and run away

It will scar me, I know it will
Carousel from hell will surely scald me until
I find a way to … give them what they really want
‘Cause I don’t need this … just long for some peace

Over and over again

2008-11-14T11:50:00.000+10:00

You keep your optimisms burning too bright
That you are blinded by them.
While here I am, deep in scepticism,
Losing fights over and over again.

Nothing

2008-11-13T12:27:00.000+10:00

Believe me when I say
It’s nothing, nothing at all
Is it that hard for you to see?
To accept with no question

I’m still here, oh, I’m still here
You always want more, I try not to care
It kills me to endure days panic-stricken
In front of you I morph to no more than a chicken

Moonlight

2008-11-12T23:23:00.000+10:00

The moon is amazing tonight. I have to say that it took my breath away. It was just… perfect. What am I, such a romantic? Damn, hopeless. The clouds were like fairy floss, I wish I could fly up there on a flying carpet and touch them, grab them by a handful…

But the sky in my heart is moonless… it’s dark, thick-walled, and cold.

Salt & Batter

2008-11-11T03:27:00.001+10:00

You batter me with salt
You soak me in gasoline
The garlic oil stings my gut
You brush my skin with lanoline

You dust me with pepper
You carve me thin as paper
Then you throw the knife away
Denying any mark you’ve made

“Time heals all wounds”
What an iffy phrase to let yourself believe in

A Hope

2008-11-11T03:26:00.001+10:00

Someday seems so far away
The scar will be much bigger by then
The open wound will throb in pain
And your pile of salt still remain

Someday seems so far away
I try not to think of that day
But I long for it to come
Soon, I hope, I wait, I pray

Someday seems so far away
When I will think of not you but me
In every action I do, every cent I spend
Every breath I take, every chip I mend

Someday seems so far away
I hope that someday will come soon
Maybe hope is all I have to hold on
For now…

Sceptical

2008-11-07T17:33:00.002+10:00

Amazing how the world goes around in circle and that our lives do the same
When storm comes instead of the blue sky, you’d hope you’re not one to blame

The world goes on without you knowing and the time seems so unkind
There’re things you can’t ignore, and they bottle up inside your mind

Nothing is clear when you’re trying to figure things out on your own
Optimisms have been overruled by scepticisms and you’re left all alone

"Young people would do best just being what young people are: bold, audacious and gutsy" - Daisaku Ikeda

Dear Stars

2008-11-06T03:00:00.000+10:00

November 5th, 2008

Dear Stars, your sides are uneven
If I die tomorrow, will you accept me?
To come and join your haven

Dear Stars, your colours are different
Do you hear me when I scream out to you?
‘Cause I wonder if you had ears to lend

Dear Stars, one of you outshines the rest
Who is it that does? Can I be friends?
‘Cause I always venture to be the best

Dear Stars, if you’re dying tonight
If you’re burning out of light in this cold dark night
Don’t just leave me and go out of sight

Dear Stars, can I keep talking to you?
To make me forget of time and of blues
Something’s not right, I can’t see through

Dear Stars, you won’t run away, would you?
When you see the tears start to fall
From our eyes red and sore, fighting through it all

Dear Stars, show me what it feels like despite
The constant rain and the storm all those nights
To be high up there and not surrounded by spite

Dear stars, I long for you to take me with you
Melodies of madness are fogging my view
I’ve lost my way, would you lead me back?

Through It All

2008-11-06T00:52:00.000+10:00

November 5th, 2008

Pouring rain, what soon begin?
Moving on, staying strong
Missing you, going through
Emotional, hysterical

This feels strange, am I deranged
I will not sway, it’ll go away
Breathing here, I smell fear
End seems so near, but nothing’s clear

Resentments, bewilderments
Is it too late, I’m quite afraid

‘Cause through it all, try not to fall
Into remorse, as darkness close
In on me, what will I see
‘Cause through it all, try to recall
The light I’ll see, what it will be
Through it all, try not to fall.

Words

2008-11-06T00:47:00.002+10:00

October 24th, 2008

It’s an escape
It’s a little journey
An adventure
A ride

I write
My thoughts
Never ending
They are

These words
Fresh from mind
Picturing a scene
Left unspoken

Gives me peace
If only for
A little while
As in dreams

May someday
Gives me hope
Keep the fire
Alive

Let the rain
Washes away
All the sorrow
And the pain
Refreshing

Let luck comes
My way
Though I tend to say
Come what may

Sheer Light

2008-11-06T00:47:00.001+10:00

October 24th, 2008

The clouds sit above the rainbow
As the rain drown away my sorrow
Trying to cast away those fears
Of what has been and of what to come
Bitter memories cloud my vision
Unclear judgments stir my emotion
The path leading me is too unclear
I wish for a light even if it’s sheer.

Empty Glass

2008-11-06T00:45:00.000+10:00

Sept 18th, 2008

There’s an empty glass
Inside this heart I see across the room
It’s so empty it echoes, all in gloom
Echoing a tune I’ve probably heard before
A sonata melancholy evermore

There’s a glass I see across a room
A glass made of glass, not plastic, not from a broom
Shatter it could, remain strong it would
It’s an empty glass, and it sings a tune
A tune so haunting, it scares the moon

Then one poured champagne into that glass
It giggles, it gives a little dance, and it laughs
Laughs, oh laughter never tasted so sweet
But that moment pass it by, all too short
The champagne is emptied, just like a shot
The glass with the golden bubbles
Starting to lose its vigour
Gently slipping away, it turns sour
The glass is again empty, it now tastes bitter

Waiting for another round of those
Those short and simple moments of joy
Bubbles of champagnes, fingers hugging its figure
Keeping it warm, unlike the cold heart that holds it close
The glass waits
So now it’s back to square one
I see a glass inside a heart across the room
It’s empty… the cycle continues

Bits and Pieces

2008-11-06T00:44:00.000+10:00

October 14th, 2008

I’ve been twisting and turning
Each night I try to fall asleep
All these times spent thinking
About feelings I wish to keep
Waiting for the pieces to fit
And I wish to fight for it

Listening to James Morrison
While watching the horizon
Thinking all kinds of reasons
So I could be next to you
Not just in dreams, but something true
‘Cause now I still wait for the pieces to fit
To become a picture, a picture I want to keep

Listening to David Gray
While watching the sky turning gray
Thinking that this time it better last
‘Cause I want to surrender today
To let go of my heart
To let go of my head
And just let the feelings flow

Listening to Jim Brickman
Sweet dreams and a secret love
All these shades of tunes crowding my brain
Looking back I wish for no misunderstanding
If I’ve accidentally said things wrong
Hope that it’s enough to make things work
Hope my wait’s been worth the while
As I’ve countlessly said,
“Patience is bitter; its fruit is sweet.”

Champagne Ecstasy

2008-11-06T00:23:00.000+10:00

^fictional ! written on October 27th, 2008-

Moving closer
His soft pink lips touched mine
Bursting flavour of champagne
They tasted kind of bitter yet sweet
Two seconds turned to five
And five seconds turned to sixty
I got lost in this new found bliss
As it soon turned to long sensuous kiss
Surprised to find it in him
But I let go of my head and felt at ease
I didn’t want the feeling to cease
‘Cause it lifted me up in the air
Took me away from despair
Maybe it was merely an escape
Somehow I didn’t really care
As my heart beat faster than a four-four
And nothing seemed to matter anymore

Breaking

2008-11-04T22:50:00.001+10:00

November 4th, 2008

What do you see?
Is it clear, what you want me to be?
There’s a wall
Standing so tall
Surrounding me, distant from you

Tell me how to be real
Tell me how to be me
‘Cause every time I try to
Climb up, you pull me to you
And said I’m not being me

So you leave me lost
And confused and sore
Numb and sick of it all
Can’t speak, filled with doubts
Struggle to go on
I can’t see the top of the wall anymore

On and on and on and on
I hear you in the background
Of it all
Let me be, just let me be
I’m drowning
I can’t breathe
Sinking, losing, choking
Stumbling, breaking

Go on break me, break me while you can
‘Cause
The more I climb, the more I swim
The more I fall, the more I drown
Go on break me and break me again
‘Cause
I can’t see what I want to see
And you don’t see, you can’t see
You’re sprinkling salt into this open wound.

PS: Angels don’t need to kill to know how to really hurt

Pause

2008-11-04T18:18:00.002+10:00

Sleepiness kicking in
Brain’s malfunctioning
Goosebumps appearing
Purple hands shivering
Cheeks are burning
Stomach’s grumbling
Soon I should be going
Tomorrow I’ll probably be crying
There’s no denying
Wondering if this is an impasse
Or just another traffic light to pass.

^taking a break from the monotonous study
I was falling asleep... you see...

Train of Thoughts

2008-11-04T02:26:00.000+10:00

October 30th, 2008

The train coughed outside my window. The sound suspended in the air as the train glided past. I couldn’t see it, but I could hear it close enough to touch yet too far in actual physical sense. The stars were barely visible through the blue-black sky tonight, and the moon was nowhere to be seen. I missed it, no, I longed for it to come out and grinned at me again.

I lay awake on this springy but sturdy bed of mine. Wrapping my arms around my bolster, clutching the sides of it, while I let my mind wandered. The puffy pillow seemed to decrease in size and my head sunk. The music from my laptop filled this empty, not physically but psychologically, room. I started to wish for things that maybe I should not even be thinking of. I could hear a car pulled up on the driveway. My heart raced, no, it skipped a beat, no, maybe it unintentionally braked and now it felt as though I had forgotten how to breathe. I realised after few seconds of breathlessness, I was going to start choking, any second now, any second. The car went past. Damn, I knew it. It wasn’t him, it would never be him.

I sat up on my bed, head a little dizzy from the short breathless moments. Tiptoeing so as to not make such noise in the middle of the night, I switched on the kitchen light, switched on the kettle to let the water boil, and sat down. I placed some strong aromatic tea leaves into the strainer of my newly-bought teapot. The glass glistened under the light as I was just admiring its cuteness, my teapot. Funny, I thought, I didn’t think I’d like this teapot that much. Click, the kettle made a soft clicking sound to let me know that the water was ready. I couldn’t help it, but I stared out the window as I was pouring the water into the teapot. I could feel the chill, cold as ice, caressing every part of my skin, I shivered. My mind raced back to what I read hours ago.

In the kitchen now, slowly nibbling on some soft pumpkin scones filled with sunflower seeds, I reread what I just wrote and sighed. What on earth am I writing about… or if it’s even making any sense at all.

I dread the way time has been unkind, but I hate to accept the pitiful look from your faces. I’ve kept it all to myself for quite a long while, I have to admit now. I can’t anymore. I’m one to forgive, but they are not. They claimed they are, but they’re not.

Restlessness sinking into every centimetre of my bone, making my brain spitting out things such as what I just typed above…

But I do wish, I could… jump on that train tonight and take the trip away… someplace… somewhere… up north or down south… train away… maybe someday… across the universe.

I should stop now, before this gets too much… to reread.

The Guitar

2008-11-03T02:08:00.000+10:00

Started on August 28th, 2008 Thursday
Continued on August 29th, 2008 Friday

The Guitar

The guitar stood there in the dark
Waiting for someone to strum its strings
But in the dark it cannot see
What it wanted to see or wanted to be

The guitar is patiently waiting
As it listens;
Something is noisily counting
Oh, oh, it’s the clock…
The time tells no one what it’ll bring

The guitar rests there loosening its strings
Wishing someone would tune it,
Pluck by pluck
So it remains there, waiting
And it waits…
It waits…

Waiting, the guitar looks up to the sky
And saw the baby blue sky breaks
Into pink, purple and golden sunset
And said hello to the stars
As it adorn the blue-black sky
And smiled at the rabbit-faced moon,
As it grins
Towards you and I

The guitar feels the air is getting colder
As the guitar gets older
And realises that there’s no one
No one to pluck its strings
No one to watch the sky with
Or to hold it tight

So it remains,
Waiting
…

The Hands

2008-11-03T02:01:00.000+10:00

-August 27th, 2008-

I talked to your hand tonight
I told it to be gentle
To be subtle
To not let you down in exams
Or in quizzes or in pracs
In writing assignments
And when you need to write
To spell things right
To type with accuracy
And not to be stained too much by fantasy

I continued to talk to your hand
To stay smooth
Just like what my cheeks told me
And to be helpful
Like what the boxes in my new house told me
And to be warm
Like what my cold hands told me
When your hands hold them
Close...

Then I looked away,
But as I quickly glance at your hand
I wondered what was wrong
'Cause
Your hand looked at me in despair
I asked it why, why do you have that glare?
Your hand didn't say a word
But reached out to my hand and said
"I'm holding onto your hand
Never letting go
'cause without your hand, I don't know
Where to go, which way to go, and how
How to go on life without your hand to hold onto."

Feel

2008-11-03T01:56:00.000+10:00

-August 28th, 2008-

And the day passes just like it should,
But I'm scared if I've let life passes me by
Without knowing if I have, let it pass me by
Will I be able to make up for it?
Someday...
Somehow?

What is there to feel
When numb is all I feel
The crack in my sky is getting bigger
Slowly... soon... the rain's going to pour
Making me shiver

Stupid, meaningless words swirl around
In my head
Making me not concentrating
In whatever I have just said
Lost in my own world
Pretending as though I'm not

The music keeps playing
And my head listens to every tune of it
Registering every haunting beat
Ripping my senses of the real world
Taking me away to the lands of dreams

There was a fire that used to burn in every corner of my heart...
Where is that fire now?

I'll Be

2008-11-03T01:48:00.000+10:00

unpolished words thought and typed up, before those words vanish from my convoluted mind,

at a dawn of a day on the 1st September 2008

while digressing

I'll be the wings

If you'd be a bird

I'll be the link

To your google search

I'll be the moon

In your midnight sky

I'll make you my only one

Do you really want to know why?

I'll be the wind

To blow your sorrows away

I want to be the one

To make you smile each day

I'll be your light

When you're lost in the night

I'll be a book

That you can read anytime

I'll be one to surrender

I hope it's not a crime

I'll try not to cry

If you ever make me sad

I'll try to not get mad

If I failed after I have tried

I'll be an empty room

If you haven't found me

I'll probably be lost on my own

Keep crashing when I try to fly

And to the aforementioned question

Do you still want to know why?

'Cause

I'm open to new directions

And leading me could be you

In the end

If you'd make me yours

I'll surely make you mine.

Dear, how are you?

2008-11-03T01:45:00.000+10:00

-August 29th, 2008-

Dear, how are you?

Tell me where are you now?

Are we looking at the same sky

Every day, every night?

Dear, how are you?

What have you been doing?

Did you finally see a shooting star?

Would you wish, if you saw one?

Beneath the same sky and the stars

Seems 'sif you're all the way across in Mars

And it feels that everyday, and even tomorrow

I won't get to wipe away, your tears and your sorrow

'Cause who knows what will be

Will I be here, or will you still be there?

Dear, how are you?

I missed you yesterday

I'm missing you today

And I'm sure I'll miss you tomorrow

One cold night

2008-11-03T01:42:00.000+10:00

-August 25th, 2008-

Here I am
Still here I am
Waiting and waiting
For something
Something different
Leading me out of here.

Somehow I'm not quite angry
I'm just a little tired.

The icy breeze climbs into my room
piercing every centimetre of my skin
This cruel coldness is freezing up the ink in my pen
making my teeth chatter and my toes bend
My nails turning purple
My handwriting is turning into a scribble
My fingers stiffen trying to play the piano
I can't seem to do the trills...

No amount of blankets could overcome this chill
Maybe only your warmth could.

Unexpected

2008-11-03T01:32:00.000+10:00

-26th April 2007-

It's been a long while since I last wrote
As it has been awhile since I last felt
A feeling I'm scared to show
Fearing of breaking a friendship
Built upon the goodness of friends
Am I wrong?
To keep it all inside
How can I tell him?
When I dare not ask of his feeling of me?
And all he has spoken of is the loves he had and has for others
Do I even have a chance?
To cast away his loneliness
And the sadness I see in his eyes
To hold him close
And not let him go?
When do I get to utter
This burst of emotion that I feel?
Like an aeroplane,
It flies and contains a lot;
It has taken off
And it will have to land,
Time and place are yet to be known.

Grow

2008-11-03T01:28:00.000+10:00

-30th January 2008-

What do you call a feeling that grows?
What is it about him...
That she cannot get him off her mind?
Each moment that passes
Hasn't been spent without a thought of him
This unfamiliar emotion is rising up within her
Soon it'll overflow...

She can't sleep.
It's him she keeps thinking of...
Has always wanted to show what she feels inside
Though, many times, as silly as it might sound, she held back
On the things she wanted to do and say
Fearing he would not stay.

And since nothing is clear so far
She does not know how to show
The burning desire she feels inside
The longing of just to have him by her side
And that his presence makes her smile
Being with him creates a whole new world
A world full of indescribable feelings
Though for now she could only hope
And wishes and dreams and believes
That he would feel the same.

She asks herself every moment spent without him
What do you call a feeling that grows?
That makes her care about him more and more each day.

Back to the start

2008-11-03T01:03:00.000+10:00

Wow, okay, new blog page, I'll have to transfer all my writings over here. That'll take awhile. =P
So back to the start of a collection of my thoughts...

"Patience is bitter; its fruit is sweet."
So how much longer do I have to be patient? Maybe I shouldn't question that.. But I can ask, can't I? No? Why not?

Tired. Beer in hand. I scull it. Not really. Traffic in my mind. Thoughts crashing. Thoughts traffic jam. Longing for peace...

Ok, shall cut it here.